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By Don Havis
It’s a great life! Everyone “Oohs” and “ahhs” over me. I am fed and changed and burped when needed. I am loved and paid attention to. My every need is provided for—usually pretty quickly. Once in a while my servants are a little slow and I have to wait, but all in all, life is fabulous! Surely, I am the center of the universe!
Now that I can get around, I sometimes fall and get hurt. I have discovered that not only do my actions have natural consequences (e.g. I fall. I get hurt.), but also, apparently, there are emotional aspects attached to many of the consequences which it is my job to integrate into my personality. Briefly, these emotional components are known as “bad” and “good.” Oh, there are some shades in between, but they don’t seem important. The one that gets by far the most emphasis is the “bad.” Some of my actions have a quality of “badness” about them, and when I do these actions (I’m not always sure just what they are, incidentally.) I am made to feel an emotion called “guilt.” It is a very bad feeling! I am told, however, that these feelings must be inculcated in me for my own good. Otherwise, I would be lacking any moral compass—any reference point for proper, or approved of, behavior. I certainly don’t want to behave improperly because when I do I am often the recipient of “punishment.” The guilt only hurts emotionally, but sometimes the punishment hurts both physically and emotionally, so I sure as hell want to avoid that! Therefore, I am learning to be obedient. I don’t like the process very much though. Very, very occasionally, if I am good, I get a reward—a little “hot damn” in a world of “oh hell!”
The above training is reinforced in my church’s Sunday school (or in the Mosque, Temple, or Synagogue). There I learn that I am actually intrinsically bad. That is, it is not just my actions that are bad. I am at my very core (They call it “soul”), and by my very nature, bad or “sinful”—the religious word for “bad.” There I learn that I must devote most of my energy to the task of trying not to be bad. I have also learned that there is an all-powerful entity called God who is for some reason angry with me. I learn that I must fear him. I also learn that he loves me. This is very, very confusing. He can look into my brain and tell what I am thinking, so I must also learn to “guard my thoughts” least they too be “bad.” This is extremely tough on me!
I have discovered SEX! I’m getting a great deal of excitement and just plain joy out of masturbation. This joy, however, is tempered a bit though because my religion has told me that pretty much all aspects of sex are bad except for sexual intercourse between a married man and women, but only then if it is for the purpose of procreation. I am told I should feel especially bad if I should ever have any sexual feelings for members of my own sex. That sort of thing is apparently worse than just normal “bad.” It is an “abomination!” Now, there is a scary sounding word, for sure. I’m beginning to suspect that this whole “bad/guilt” thing is way overdone.
Another positive thing is that I have discovered that I have a lot more power than I at first suspected. I am also strongly suspicious that there is something wrong with constant obedience. I have discovered that I can disobey and sometimes even do “wild and crazy things” and often get away with them without any serious consequences or punishment. A lot of my friends are sick to death of obeying too. I’m having a lot of fun with my friends. This new feeling of sexuality, power, and invulnerability is GREAT!
Even though I am now an adult and don’t have to obey my parents any more, there are lots of others I must obey—my boss for one, and all the rules society has, some of which don’t make much sense. Also, there is still that God I mentioned earlier. I have learned a lot more about this God’s ability to spy upon my thoughts, and I have learned more about his seemingly endless list of proscribed and prescribed behaviors. If I don’t follow these rules precisely (They are often not entirely clear) I will be “damned” and eternally punished in a place called “Hell.” Well, unless I am “saved” by confessing my “sins,” proclaiming I believe in the Savior—Jesus/Yahweh/Mohammad. You know the drill.
Another thing that bothers me a lot is that I have discovered that life just isn’t always fair. I don’t know why, but in my earlier years I sort of expected it to be. You work hard; you get ahead. “It ain’t necessarily so,” as the song title goes. Also, if there was really an all-just, all-loving God, why wouldn’t it be fair? But, I have discovered that many times the events and circumstances of my life often work against me. The circumstances, especially, often create negative emotional responses in me and point me in directions that seem to be the normal way to go, such as discouragement, giving up, or maybe just heading in a direction that doesn’t feel right to me.
Thirdly, even though I don’t often go to church/temple/synagogue/mosque any more, I am aware from the religiously permeated society I live in that the world is full of “demons.” There are ghosts, both holy and evil. There are some people who seem to have psychic powers, and there are surely forces in the world that we don’t completely understand. In addition to these extrinsic demons, there are internal demons in my head—those feelings of badness and guilt if I do certain things, or fail to do certain things. Then there is also worry that in the future I may make a serious mistake, or that some horrible tragedy awaits my loved ones or me. Then, adding to all of this, there is this awful feeling of emptiness. Is this all there is to life? What is the purpose of it? I’m told by my religion that my purpose is to serve God/Allah, but that just doesn’t seem to “fit” for me as it apparently does for my minister/rabbi/imam. I feel powerless again and unfulfilled.
Wait a minute! I just “got” something monumental: I’VE BEEN LIED TO! I’ve finally figured out—not all at once, but over a fairly short period of time—that there is no credible evidence at all that there is any sort of spirit “world” or “realm.” There is only the natural world where events occur as a result of antecedent events or causes in accordance with the now well-understood laws of physics. After an almost accidental exposure to many of the secular, core ideas of the “Age of Enlightenment,” I now understand that there are no “supernatural” forces or entities, no gods, no mind-in-the-sky looking inside my head. Too bad, incidentally, my high school history book devoted about two paragraphs, as I recall, to these ideas. In any event, further study lead me to understand that if these phantoms don’t exist, except as concepts in our minds, then neither do their tools—guilt, sin, worry/fear, etc.—exist except as mental concepts. I have discovered, again, that I actually have more control over whether or not I will accept and act on these emotions than I at first thought I had. I also concluded that the “powerlessness” that I felt had been artificially amplified in my mind due to many early life experiences which reinforced my own training of myself to have no power. After all, if one sees oneself as the victim of circumstances, and/or the powerful directives of others and of god(s), then how much power, if any at all, is left for one to use in the task of taking more command of one’s own life?
Along with the realizations described above, I also began to understand that I need not be dependent on the fixed moral precepts I was indoctrinated with as a youth. However, this did not leave me, as many religious folks insist, without any notions of decent, compassionate behavior. Clearly, a “moral compass” can be developed without reliance on fear and obedience. Moral and ethical choices certainly may be based solely on our natural feelings of empathy for the fellow members of our species. It seems abundantly clear that notions of kindness, compassion, or at least concern would have had an enormously positive benefit on the survival of the Homo Sapien species. Such feelings or instincts are also clearly evident and advantageous in much of the rest of the animal kingdom.
Also helpful, of course, has been our large brain’s ability to develop and use symbols (language) to communicate and to make predictions about the probable consequences of actions based on prior experience. It is now clear to me that one can make decisions and take actions based on prior prescribed or proscribed “good” or “bad” options; but one can also make decisions based upon one’s value or cost/benefit analysis of the most likely outcomes, given a particular set of circumstances. Seems like a much more reasonable way to respond to circumstances. With some practice at this kind of decision making, I have discovered that all the unnatural guilt/fear/worry consequences are gradually fading away.
Additionally, with the death of the idea of the “spirit world” comes the realization that there is no ultimate purpose or meaning that exists “out there” some place. It then follows that I have the freedom to set my own purposes and to plan and execute my own mission or missions in life, and thus give my life my own freely chosen purpose(s) and meaning(s). I don’t have to follow or obey any individual’s or any spirit’s pre-packaged purpose or plan for my life. How wonderfully freeing!
I now also understand that even “meanings” are not in God’s head; they are in mine. Fortunately, humankind is in general agreement on most meanings that we have ascribed to concepts as well as material objects. We have even had the good sense to record this information, in various languages, in books called dictionaries. If there were no such general agreements we could not communicate. However, I am free to put my own “spin” or interpretation on many events and situations I encounter daily. That is, I may choose to give events a more positive (or negative, if I choose) interpretation than they would seem to convey on their own. Wow—more personal power! I no longer have to be steered exclusively by either “authority,” in print (scripture) or human form, or by “circumstances.”
Let me hasten to add that I understand that in a well-ordered tribe or society it most often makes sense to obey generally consented to sensible rules/laws. I am simply more aware that I am making a deliberate choice when I do so. I also know that I am free to interpret events and circumstances “differently,” and to make even radically different choices about what actions I may take, so long as I am willing to accept the natural consequences of such choices. I also realize that there are those who may find themselves in unusual circumstances, such as incarceration where choices are artificially narrowed and severe and unnatural consequences may be imposed for other than the authority-driven choice. However, in most normal circumstances there is the time and opportunity to reflect and make rational, evidence-based decisions. What a joy it is to have a clear understanding of this idea! What a thrill it is to be free of the ephemeral yet often enormously strong shackles that chain one’s mind to the all-powerful, fearsome, great Mind-in-the-Sky!
Robert G. Ingersoll may have articulated this wonderful sense of joyous liberation most eloquently back in 1896 when he said, “When I became convinced that the Universe is natural—that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, of the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts, and bars, and manacles became dust.”
No one can be entirely sure of what the future will hold. At this point I don’t foresee another serious downturn on the bumpy road of life. But of course we all know, “Stuff happens.” Some if it I certainly don’t have any control over, but I now realize that some of it I have created or at least partially created for myself. Some things that happen are damned hard to interpret positively, or to get some positive lesson from, but it is still often possible. Incidentally, another consequence of discarding the “Mind-in-the-Sky” concept is that one must necessarily drop the idea that everything happens “for a reason.” Naturally, we can and often do learn from what has happened to us or around us. However, we realize that there is no “lesson-planner” in the sky. There is only the opportunity to discover better ways to respond, rather than to thoughtlessly react, to present and future circumstances.
Finally, there may be sickness and/or infirmities which may come upon us. There will also be the natural sadness of losing friends and loved ones, and the occasional ache of loneliness. There is, however, always available the great comfort of a good book, a sensual pleasure, a tasty idea, or a quiet satisfaction often gained from some effort or contribution. And if one is perhaps cleaver, compassionate, or lucky enough, there is the possibility of some loving companionship. These comforts, the clarity of a free mind, the joy of a healthy emotional life, free from the terrible weight of notions of sin and guilt, will surely be enough to carry us through to the end. Hot Damn! It’s a great life after all!
Note: This essay, in a slightly altered version, was first printed in the publication of Leland W. Ruble, in his March/April, 2002 issue of the Freethought Perspective.
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